dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
