I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
