I think I am morally bankrupt
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
