Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
