Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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