Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
