And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
