it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
