Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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