Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
