is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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