shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
