i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
