Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude i'm inner monologue high
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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