Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
