the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Fuck appropriateness.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
