How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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