Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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