nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
