never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
