You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
