Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
