I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
