hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
