He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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