I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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