Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
