i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
