There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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