i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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