You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
