the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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