I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
