god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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