I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
third nipple confirmed
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
