K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
