So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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