You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
