Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
