i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
