I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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