My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
