So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
