She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
