i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
