Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
