so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
