Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
