Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
