Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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