I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
