The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
